13 To you

It is very unfortunate for you and me that I can not carry a child.

I really would love to have one... with you... a half me and half you.

I am fearful of passing this disease though... even if not to our children but to generations after us.

I fear that when I die, you will eventually forget about me and there will be no remembrance greater than a half me...

I love you with all my heart and I hope one day you will have a child of your own, even if it is not with me.

I accepted that one day, I will have to leave you and you will find someone else to love and to take care of you. You are a very lovable and charismatic person, you won't have a hard time finding one.

I love you, I may not be able to show it to you as much as I want to, but I do love you as much as I can. I tried. I tried my hardest for you.

I love you and I hope one day you will see how much I did love you.

But for now, I will continue to try my hardest to show you how much you mean to me... for as long as I live.

12 To Me

5 long days in the hospital, 2 surgeries. You made it.

It'll be a long journey still but keep treading on.

You will get better one day.

11 To you

I know you didn't mean it to sound so mean but i want to tell you...

Saying that you never had a good night sleep is not true... 

i wake up every 1 and half hour three times a night because my machine is beeping.. 

it takes me 15 to 30 mins to fall back to sleep.

I wake up at 6:30, 7, 7:30 and 7:45 to the sound of your alarm and 8 to mine, only to argue with myself to let me sleep 5 more minutes 

i sleep next to you... 

10 To you

I have been struggling recently and I don't think you noticed. I do not know what to do or if there is anything that could make me feel better but I am trying my best.

I know you are tired of seeing me not moving or doing anything. Sleeping during day time and can't sleep during the nighttime. I am not myself at this moment but I am trying.

I look forward to waking up at your side every day or night and sleeping beside you. This might not be the life you signed up for and I am very thankful that you are slugging along with me. I can't promise you that I will be here for a long time but I will be here for as long as I can.

Life has a lot of challenges and sacrifices prepared for me and I am happy to know that you've been with me through most of it and hopefully, it will be over soon. Even if it is just for you...

I love you. You have to remember that even though you may not hear it from me often that I love you with everything I can muster up.

9 To me

It's been a while. I am now 39

I think I am a little better, but I hope I will be much better soon.