17 To you

My Love, I am so tired.

I haven't been sleeping well, and I do not know why.

It's taking a toll, not being able to sleep for only a few hours a night, and not continuously.

I wake up every 2 hours... 😭

Please help me. 

16 To Me

I have learned to hack the system.

 I am now able to impersonate a healthy person and can trick others, too.

Today, my nutritionist asked how my eating was, and I said 8 out of 10. 

The reality is, I enjoy looking for food, but when it is time to eat it, the joy is not there. 

I eat with my eyes; the more it looks appetizing, the more I want it. 

 But my mouth did not like it, or at least didn't enjoy it. 

 The only food I truly enjoy now is eggs. Any way you cook it, but scrambled, I'm ok. 

 I do wish to enjoy food again. 

But right now, I just see it as a need to survive and nothing else. 

If it is possible not to eat and still survive, I will probably choose that.

15 To you

I am strunggling to love myself So forgive me for not understanding how much you love me But I know you do...

14 To You

Do you know how hard it is to love someone with chronic illness? I know how hard it is, I find it hard to love myself too... But Papi, you've been with me with every twist and turn, bad and good on this medical journey. I find it real hard sometime to be optimistic but you keep me up and I am in all honestly living my life for you. I love you. I may not know how to show it a lot but I do. And thank you for everything that you do for me.

13 To you

It is very unfortunate for you and me that I can not carry a child.

I really would love to have one... with you... a half me and half you.

I am fearful of passing this disease though... even if not to our children but to generations after us.

I fear that when I die, you will eventually forget about me and there will be no remembrance greater than a half me...

I love you with all my heart and I hope one day you will have a child of your own, even if it is not with me.

I accepted that one day, I will have to leave you and you will find someone else to love and to take care of you. You are a very lovable and charismatic person, you won't have a hard time finding one.

I love you, I may not be able to show it to you as much as I want to, but I do love you as much as I can. I tried. I tried my hardest for you.

I love you and I hope one day you will see how much I did love you.

But for now, I will continue to try my hardest to show you how much you mean to me... for as long as I live.

12 To Me

5 long days in the hospital, 2 surgeries. You made it.

It'll be a long journey still but keep treading on.

You will get better one day.

11 To you

I know you didn't mean it to sound so mean but i want to tell you...

Saying that you never had a good night sleep is not true... 

i wake up every 1 and half hour three times a night because my machine is beeping.. 

it takes me 15 to 30 mins to fall back to sleep.

I wake up at 6:30, 7, 7:30 and 7:45 to the sound of your alarm and 8 to mine, only to argue with myself to let me sleep 5 more minutes 

i sleep next to you...